Writing songs is a curious thing.
As I sat down today to record the guitar for "Stay the Same" I was caught up in the usual thoughts that accompany my songwriting, only perhaps more desperate. It's one thing to play music, another to write your own and another entirely to record those things that you have written. You realize that once if you record a song you have to commit to those thoughts and feelings that you are expressing in your music and you're exposing yourself in a whole new way to a world in which you don't know how, or if your song will be perceived the way you intended it to be.
That's how I felt tonight at least.
Before and during the time I deliberated on whether to record the tune at 97 or 98 beats per minute (I decided on 97) I found my mind going everywhere except where it needed to be to finish what I wanted to accomplish. Anything to avoid taking a good hard look at a song that I wrote when I was eighteen and telling myself whether or not it was a song worth sharing.
I took the next page of the notebook that I had written these words in years ago and started to copy the lyrics on the previous page with minor adjustments to the phrases changing "but" to "and" and the like. And as I came upon the words that I was afraid of sharing I was able to write something just different enough that it felt true to me today.
I think the biggest thing that I want to convey in my music is honesty and even though it may take some work I want whatever I write to be real. Even if it's silly or jovial I want it to be something that's so honest that people will be able to learn about themselves through what I'm saying.
So I changed a few words in the song, though they may not stay that way. Maybe I need to be true to what I felt when I was eighteen but perhaps I need to finish this song in a way that's true to who I am today. I'm not sure if I have a right or wrong conclusion but I think it'll work out.
Either way, it was enough to keep the song structure the same and allow me to track the guitar part today which is another step closer.
And another step closer is all I need for today.
Keep it real,